Friday, September 29, 2006

A Primer

This is a cautionary post of the tides of time. Tension is backwards relavistic; it radiates backwards in time from the perceived source of the tension-causing event and is thusly assimilated into the unwary and hapless observer far back in the temporal stream. Some are more sensitive receivers than others. The quantitative scale of this receptivity to tension is known as "worrisomeness"; however, the ICS (Internal Common Standard) classifies it as "paranoia". Other, less reputable scales call it "obsessiveness", yet others classify it as a distant derivant of "work ethic". All generally agree on the accepted SI derivation of this measure. It is kgm^2s^-3, which is to say, work done over time. It is inversely proportional with distance to the source of tension. This is known as the Law of Frantic Revision. Unfortunately, it only applies to Ideal Students, because it makes several assumptions about the condition of the experimental medium, for example, that no intersocial forces exist between Ideal Students, or that his capacity to slack is negligible. But there is, then, no such thing as an Ideal Student. The effects of the non-ideal behaviour of some students may be remedied by 1. Increasing the pressure, and 2. Decreasing the heat.

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The sheer banality of the forthcoming exhortation: The Exams Are Coming! Banal or blase? It is a thing of great debate. For are exams ever mundane? Or are they like a cheese grater? Or worse yet, a great cheese? Exams are necessary. Unpleasant, but the essence of exams go beyond that of testing one's concepts; they are engineered to pressure the growing student, to test his or her diligence, preserverance and time management. The post-exam time will bring with it fruit of plenty, and burdens anew. But on the whole I look forward to the time I can play Civ IV and read up on transhumanism. But now we can only plod on, ever stoic.

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2 comments:

M Aurelius said...

Blessed Colin, ever Stoic,
Pray for us sinners now
And at the hour of exam.
Amen

Anonymous said...

How are exams necessary?

When they propagandised the IP in 2004 they were saying how it was new and creative, the trendiest thing in education from the ang moh Western world, and how it wouldn't be exam-focused.